Love Is Evol2009

Christopher Titus:
She asked me to make the bed one night. I'm like "All right, I'll make the bed, but I'll make the bed like a damn man makes the bed." I tuck it in four feet all the way around, I've got a staple gun.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
Kapow, kapow, kapow!

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
The bed's made. 'Cause I only want to make it once every fiscal year.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
But when you make a bed with that kind of expertise, you have a tendency to short-sheet it a tad. And she's five eleven.

[laughs]

Christopher Titus:
So she got in bed that night and the sheet came up to her hip.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
She's like "I can't get the... I can't... What... what did you do? I can't..." And I was wrapped around behind her. I had my shoulder, her head was right here, and I said "Hey, baby, calm down. I got this for you."

[pantomimes kissing her cheek]

Christopher Titus:
And I grabbed the sheet and I go...

[pantomimes struggling with the sheet]

Christopher Titus:
And my hand slipped and I punched her in the face.

[raucous laughter]

Christopher Titus:
[his inner retard] "I have no words for this one. I frankly believe you have outdone yourself here, my friend. That... that was extraordinary. You have definitely skipped some levels. I wish I could call everybody else's inner retard right now and brag about you. Well, you'd better wake her up, idiot. WAKE UP! Well, while she's passed out, you might as well grab her butt. All right, yeah. Yeah. Whoo, that's some hot business right there. Okay. All right."