Love Is Evol2009

Christopher Titus:
Every time a relationship goes bad, you have hints. There was things. Like two years before we got divorced, she got a boob job. And gentlemen, if you're dating a woman over five years and she decides she wants a boob job, she ain't getting it for you.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
She is putting fresh meat on a new hook. That's all it is. She is trolling for Idiot B, that's right. 'Cause you have not lived up to her financial expectations. So she's gonna cast those double-Ds out into the dating pool.

[pantomimes a fishing rod being cast and retracted]

Christopher Titus:
In the two years before we got divorced, my ex got new hair, new eyes, new b*obs, new lips. I rebuilt this b*tch from the ground up, man.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
It was a frame-off restoration. Now some new guy's driving her.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
Ha-ha. And I want to point something out about boob jobs. Ladies, if you're gonna get a boob job, for God's sake, I want to be clear: I am not anti-boob job, as long as you don't use them for evil.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
But don't get what you think men want. 'Cause men don't want "bigger is better". We just don't... we just don't want... we want something that looks good on you, don't go crazy. My ex went insane, man. In my opinion, she got b*obs four sizes bigger than she should have if she was five feet taller than she already is.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
She's 5'2", got b*obs to fit... Shaquille O'Neal.