Love Is Evol2009

Christopher Titus:
Why do we stay with these people? We've all done it. Why? You know why we stay? 'Cause every one of us, in our brain, has that inner retard.

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
That little voice that tells you you're not good enough, that you're never gonna be good enough, that you're not good-looking enough, you don't make enough money. That little voice... that little voice that, when you go "I'm gonna ask for a raise!", it goes

[in a stereotypical retarded voice]

Christopher Titus:
"Yeah, well you're gonna get fired, idiot."

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
"Go ahead, ask for it, dummy." Mine's bad. Mine... tonight, mine was like "You're gonna do a comedy special, and you spelled 'evil' wrong, idiot. You're a idiot. You're a idiot." Here's how bad my inner retard is: if I'm on the freeway and the lane I'm in stops, and I pull to the next lane and that lane stops, my inner retard goes "That was your fault!"

[laughter]

Christopher Titus:
"The entire freeway is pissed off at you right now. I hope they pull you over and beat your ass. Idiot." And the weird thing about that voice is none of us had it when we were kids. We were just kids, living life, having a blast. "I'm gonna be an astronaut. NO! I'm gonna drive a ice cream truck. NO! I'm gonna drive a ice cream truck in outer space!" And then my dad saw I was full of hope and joy and thought "Well that's not gonna work, you little fruit."