Mental2012

Shaz:
America, Europe, Asia, and all the way down here is Australia. Alone. Isolated. Ever wonder why? Why we're down here?

Jane Moochmore:
Well, we were a penal colony.

Shaz:
That's the cover story, yeah, but historically where have they always sent the loonies? As far away as possible. You can't get any further away than Australia. We weren't a penal colony, we was a lunatic asylum. Our ancestors were loonies and this is the result. Have a look around. There's no such thing as normal, there's just different shades of mental. Your totally mental are in the lunatic asylums. The rest of them: [indicates other diners in the cafe] the delusionals, the borderlines, compulsives, paranoid, schizoid make up Australia as we know it. We're nothing but a living experiment in madness under constant observation by the psychiatric community of the world. [indicates security camera]

Leanne Moochmore:
But, if we're all under observation and mental, how come we're allowed to leave?

Jane Moochmore:
Kylie Minogue. She left. She's practically British.

Shaz:
In any experiment there's test mice and control mice. Control mice are marked in some way and sent off into the normal world as comparisons. Kylie Minogue's a control mouse. Cate Blanchett - control mouse. Russell Crowe - a control mouse out of control. Rupert Murdoch, Nicole Kidman, the list of control mice is endless.