Robin Williams: Weapons of Self Destruction2009

Robin Williams:
We're a heavily medicated society. All the drugs we take: Prozac, Effexor, Valium. I thought for the last ten years, we've been on some weird f***ing drug - the whole country - called "Fukitol."

[laughter]

Robin Williams:
What a weird f***ing drug. And we're just coming out of it and we're kind of waking up.

[cheers and applause]

Robin Williams:
F***in' A! It's weird. It's like you're going "last thing I remember was the economy was working and there was a budget surplus." Yeah! "Where's Clinton?" We impeached him. "F***!"

[laughter]

Robin Williams:
"For what?" A blowj*b. "Wow! Who did he blow, Putin?"

[laughter]

Robin Williams:
No! No, he got blown by a Jewish girl. "Wow! He got head from a Jewish girl? F***in' A! And they impeached him for that?" Well, he lied about it. "He's married! Who wouldn't? What the f***?"

[laughter]

Robin Williams:
No, he lied about it to Congress. "And THOSE f***ers impeached him? That's like a group of lepers judging a beauty contest. What the f***?"

[laughter]

Robin Williams:
"Wow, that's nuts!" And then they acquitted him. "Oh, cool. And who was president next? Gore?" No, Bush. "He was already president!" No, this was his son. "Oh, the one from Florida. He's kinda cool." No, the one from Texas. "JUNIOR? F***! My God, he... the one who traded Sammy Sosa?" F*** yeah! "How was he as president?" Kinda goofy. "Really?" He waved at Stevie Wonder.

[laughter]

Robin Williams:
"What the f***!" It's like, "Wow! And then what did he do?" Well, he took a lot of vacations. "And then what happened?" We got attacked. "By who?" Osama bin Laden. "That guy from Afghanistan? Didn't we used to send him weapons?" Yeah, I know! "We went after him, right?" Yeah. "Did we get him?" Almost.

[laughter]

Robin Williams:
"Well, what do you mean 'almost'?" Well, we went after Hussein, because he had weapons of mass destruction. "That guy from Syria. I knew that f*** would do this." No, the one from Iraq. "SADDAM Hussein? Bush Sr. kicked his ass!" Yeah, he did! "And we got him?" Oh, f***, we got him. "And we found the weapons of mass destruction? Cause he would tell you where they are." Well, they executed him. "F*** off! And did you get bin Laden?" Almost. We got four of his number threes. "Okay. But he's in Afghanistan." Maybe. He might be in Pakistan. "Well, let's go after him in Pakistan!" Well, there's a problem there. They're allies, and they have weapons of mass destruction. "Oh, no! What about the economy?" Well, we had to bail out the banks. "Again?" F***, yeah! "And now, who's the president?" A black guy. "Oh, yeah right." Yeah, there's a black president and a Latino on the Supreme Court. "There is? Oh, my God! Who's the president? Jesse Jackson?" No, his name is Barack Hussein Obama. "Now you're f***ing with me!"

[laughter]