Safety Not Guaranteed2012

[Darius approaches Kenneth, where he is stocking soup cans in the Grocery Outlet Bargain Market. She acts cool and nonchalant]

Darius:
Do you sell guns here?

Kenneth:
[surprised] What kind of guns?

Darius:
I don't know. Something sexy and affordable, with killing power?

Kenneth:
You should try C and R Guns in Wilkins. The state of Washington does not allow the sale of firearms in the business premises of a grocer.

Darius:
Hm. What about those... thingies? With the spiky ball on the end of a chain things, you know, and the... [She pantomimes whirling a flail around above her head] You have those?

Kenneth:
What exactly is the intended use? Is there a pest problem, or hunting?

Darius:
[sternly] Well, if your ad had been written properly, I may have a better idea of what I need.

Kenneth:
My ad?

Darius:
Yeah. It's pretty sloppy.

Kenneth:
Excuse me?

Darius:
You heard me. I hope you worked harder on your calibrations.

Kenneth:
[looking around cautiously, but sounding stung] My calibrations are flippin' pinpoint, okay?

Darius:
Hm.

Kenneth:
[still looking around and behind him] There are people after me. How do I know you don't work for them?

Darius:
Because I've never worked for anybody in my life.

Kenneth:
You ever face certain death?

Darius:
If it was so certain, I wouldn't be here, would I?

[She takes a soup can from his hand and places it, without looking, unerringly in its spot on the shelf]