The Boys in the Band1970

Harold:
I'm having seconds, and thirds, and maybe even fifths. I'm absolutely desperate to keep the weight up.

Michael:
You're absolutely paranoid, about absolutely everything.

Harold:
Oh yeah? Well why don't you not tell me about it.

Michael:
You starve yourself, all day. Living on coffee and cottage cheese. So that you can gorge yourself at one meal. And then you feel guilty and moan and piss about how fat you are, and how ugly you are, when the truth is you are not fatter and no thinner than you ever are. And this pathological lateness, it's downright crazy. Standing in front of a bathroom mirrors for hours and hours before you can walk out into the street, and then looking no different. After Christ knows how many applications of Christ knows how many ointments and salves and creams and masks.

Harold:
I've got bad skin, what can I tell you.

Michael:
Who wouldn't, after they deliberately take a pair of tweezers and deliberately mutilate their pores. No wonder you've got holes in your face after the hack-job you've done on yourself, year in and year out.

Harold:
You hateful sow.

Michael:
Yes, you've got scars on your face, but they're not that bad. And if you'd leave yourself alone, you wouldn't have more than you've already awarded yourself.

Harold:
You'd really like me to compliment you now, for being so honest, wouldn't you? For being my best friend, who will tell me what even my best friends won't tell me. Slut.

Michael:
And the pills. Harold has been gathering and storing and saving up barbiturates for the past year, like a goddamn squirrel. Hundreds of Nembutals, hundreds of Seconals, all in preparation for and in anticipation of the long winter of his death. Well I'll tell you something, Hally. When the time comes, you won't have the guts. It's not always like it happens in plays, not all faggots bump themselves off at the end of the story.

Harold:
What you say may be true. Time will undoubtedly tell. In the meantime, you left out one detail. The cosmetics and astringents are paid for. The bathroom is paid for. The tweezers are paid for. And the pills are paid for.