The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)2000

Austin Tichenor:
Antony and Cleopatra is not some Alka-Seltzer commercial! It's a romantic thriller about a geo-political power struggle between Egypt and Rome.

Adam Long:
[looks at audience] Oh yeah, like you knew, you were all laughing. [to Austin] I'm sorry, I apologize, I apologize, you know. If I had known this was Shakespeare's geo-political play, I wouldn't have screwed around with it, because my favorite plays are his geo-political plays.

Austin Tichenor:
Really, really?

Adam Long:
No, seriously, they're intense, man. Like, um, what was that one he wrote about nuclear energy in the former Soviet Union?

Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
No, no...

Adam Long:
It was way ahead of its time. It was a metaphor... wrapped in an allegory.

Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
[shakes heads] No...

Adam Long:
It was intense, man. It was called "Chernobyl Kinsmen," and it was all about this...

Reed Martin:
[interrupts] Adam, Adam, Shakespeare wrote a play called [holding up two fingers] "Two Noble Kinsmen."

Austin Tichenor:
Not "Chernobyl Kinsmen."

Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
[holding up two fingers] "Two Noble Kinsmen."

Adam Long:
It was "cher."

Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
It was "two."

Adam Long:
Cher, cher, cher...

Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
[simultaneously] Two, two, two...

Adam Long:
Cher, cher... what's "Two Noble Kinsmen?"

Austin Tichenor:
"Two Noble Kinsmen" is about a girl who goes insane with the fear that her boyfriend is going to be eaten by wolves and her father hanged.

Adam Long:
[pause] And is Boris Yeltsin in it?

Reed Martin, Austin Tichenor:
NO!