The Odd Couple1968

Oscar Madison:
I'm $800 behind in alimony. Let's raise the stakes.

Roy:
They can do it, you know.

Oscar Madison:
Do what?

Roy:
Throw you in jail.

Oscar Madison:
Never. If she can't call me up once a week to aggravate me, she's not happy.

Murray the Cop:
Aren't you worried about the kids?

Oscar Madison:
Murray, the kids are living in their grandfather's house with a swimming pool in California. Can we just play cards?

Roy:
I told you you'd get into trouble. It's because you don't know how manage anything. I should know - I'm your accountant.

Oscar Madison:
If you're my accountant, how come I need money?

Roy:
If you need money, how come you play poker?

Oscar Madison:
'Cause I need money.

Roy:
But you always lose.

Oscar Madison:
That's why I need the money.

Roy:
Then don't play poker.

Oscar Madison:
Then don't come to my house and eat my potato chips. [grabs the bag of potato chips on the poker table and flings the entire contents all over the living room] You see, wise guy? Potato chips!

Murray the Cop:
Oh, beautiful, beautiful. [an argument ensues with everyone bickering all at once] What are you yelling about? We're playing a friendly game! [the bickering continues] All right, all right, ALL RIGHT! Calm down, calm down, take it easy. I'm a cop, you know - I can arrest the whole lousy game. [they all quiet down]

Oscar Madison:
My friend Murray the cop is right. Let's just play cards and please hold them up. I can't see where I marked them.

Roy:
He owes money to his wife, his government and his friends and he still won't take it seriously.

Oscar Madison:
Life goes on even for those of us who are divorced, broke and sloppy.