The Wedding Ringer2015

Bad Best Man:
[walks on stage and starts beatboxing] Haha, just kidding, just kidding. The moment Chris asked me to be his best man, I sat down and I wrote a pretty awesome speech. But, I don't know, I think I'd rather speak from the heart. [rips paper in half]

Jimmy:
Oh, don't do that. Don't you rip that paper up. You never do that.

Bad Best Man:
Ah. You know, when Chris... Chris and I first met, we, um... uh, wha... Chris and I, um... have known each other since, uh... hah... Chris and I, you know, we, we did stuff together. [dry heaves]

Jimmy:
He's gonna throw up on the f***in' bride.

Bad Best Man:
And, um, Chris has been like a brother to me. Well, I... because my real brother died. Well, he didn't die immediately...

Jimmy:
No...

Bad Best Man:
They revived him in the ambulance, then he died later. Hah... uh... Adolf Hitler once said...

Jimmy:
Holy f***ing sh*t.