Thor: Ragnarok2017

[First lines]

[Thor is thrown into Muspelheim in chains]

Thor:
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Oh, no." "Thor's in a cage. "How did this happen?" Well, sometimes you have to get captured just to get a straight answer out of something. It's a long story, basically...I'm a bit of a hero. See, I've spent some time on Earth, fought some robots, saved the planet a couple of times. Then I went searching through the cosmos for some magic colorful Infinity Stone things...didn't find any. That's when I came across a path of death, and destruction. Which led me all the way here into this cage...where I met you. [camera shows a skeleton. Its jaw ever so conveniently falls off] How much longer do you think we'll be in here?

[Thor, chained up, falls and briefly hangs to see Surtur sitting in his throne]

Surtur:
Thor, son of Odin.

Thor:
Surtur, son of ... a b*tch! You're still alive? I thought my father killed you, like....half a billion years ago.

Surtur:
I cannot die. Not until I fulfill my destiny, and lay waste to your home.

Thor:
You know, it's funny you should mention that. Because I've been having these terrible dreams of late! Asgard up in flames. Falling to ruins. And you, Surtur, are the center of all of them.

Surtur:
Then you have seen Ragnarök: The fall of Asgard, the great prophecy–

Thor:
[rotating away from Surtur's direction] Whoop! Hang on! Hang on! I'll be... back around shortly. You know, I really feel like we were connecting there. [Thor has now rotated to face Surtur] Okay, so, Ragnarök. Tell me about that. Walk me through it.

Surtur:
My time has come. When my crown is reunited with the Eternal Flame, I shall be restored to my full might! I will tower over the mountains, and bury my sword deep in Asgard!

Thor:
[rotating away from Surtur's direction again] Hang on! Give it a second... I swear, I'm not even moving, it's just doing this on its own! I'm really sorry. [Thor has again rotated to face Surtur] Okay, so let me get this straight. You're going to put your crown into the Eternal Flame, and you'll suddenly grow big as a house?

Surtur:
[suddenly SHOUTING!] A MOUNTAIN!!!

Thor:
The Eternal Flame that Odin keeps locked away in Asgard?

Surtur:
Odin is not on Asgard. And your absence has left the throne defenseless.

Thor:
Okay, so... where is this crown?

Surtur:
[taps the structure on his head] This is my crown. The source of my power!...

Thor:
Oh, that's a crown? I thought it was a big eyebrow.

Surtur:
[annoyed] It's a crown!

Thor:
Anyway, it sounds like all I have to do to stop Ragnarök is rip that thing off your head.

Surtur:
[laughs] But Ragnarök has already begun! You cannot stop it! I am Asgard's doom, and so are you! All will suffer! All. Will. BURN.

Thor:
Oh, that's intense. You know to be honest, seeing you grow really big and set fire to a planet would be quite the spectacle. But it looks like, I'm gonna have to choose "Option B", where I bust out of these chains, knock that tiara off your head, and stash you away in Asgard's vault. [he has a smug little smirk at the end of this mini-tirade]

Surtur:
You cannot stop Ragnarök. Why fight it?

Thor:
Because. That's what heroes do! [Thor motions for his hammer Mjolnir....however, nothing happens] Wait, sorry...I didn't time that right. And. Now!

[Mjolnir flies in. Thor grabs the hammer and battles Surtur as the "Immigrant Song" theme by Led Zeppelin plays]

Surtur:
[chuckling evilly] You have made a grave mistake, Odinson!

Thor:
Oh, I make grave mistakes all the time. [sees an army of Surtur's minions charging towards him] Everything seems to work out.