The Other Guys2010

Hoitz:
You know what I just did? I just walked out that door, saw a couple detectives, and I was about to start bad mouthing you behind your back, but I stopped myself, because my pops taught me that a man who talks behind somebody's back is a coward.

Gamble:
Wow, I actually appreciate that.

Hoitz:
Good, 'cause I'm gonna tell you directly to your face.

Gamble:
No. You don't have to.

Hoitz:
No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal? It sounds feminine.

Gamble:
Hmm.

Hoitz:
If we were in the wild, I would attack you. Even if you weren't in my food chain, I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion, and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you! And then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.

Gamble:
[pause] Okay, first off, a lion swimming in the ocean? Lions don't like water. If you'd placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that'd make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20-foot waves, I'm assuming it's off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full-grown, 800-pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends? You lose that battle. You lose that battle nine times out of ten. And guess what? You've wandered into our school of tuna, and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated.

Hoitz:
Yeah?

Gamble:
And said, "You know what? Lion tastes good. Let's go get some more lion." We've developed a system to establish a beachhead and aggressively hunt you and your family. And we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring...

Hoitz:
How you gonna do that?

Gamble:
We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time, but an hour, hour 45, no problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get more oxygen, and then stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and outmanned. [goes back to typing] Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope. [Hoitz throws Gamble's hot coffee on his shirt]