The Wedding Singer1998

David "Dave" Veltri:
[drunk] My brother Harold asked me to be the Best Man at his wedding. I was like [chuckles] of course, man. 'Cause you've always been there for me, when I was in rehab, and the time I couldn't find my car. It's Harold ya know, he's always been the dependable one. I've always been the screwed up one, right dad? [chuckles] Why can't you be more like your brother? Harold would never beat up his landlord! [laughing]

Groomsman:
[whispering to other groomsmen] He's drunk as sh*t.

Dave:
[laughs then coughs a little] But, uh newsflash pop, Harold ain't so perfect. [to Harold] Remember that time in Puerto Rico we picked up those two uh...I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember payin'.

Robbie:
[comes up on stage and grabs mike from Dave]Okay, how 'bout that! Yeah, terrific.

Dave:
I'm a person too Pop, goddammit! I'm a person too!

Mr.Veltri:
You're a moron!

Robbie:
The Best Man, everybody.

Dave:
The best man, the better man! [bangs cymbal] Aooooooow!

Robbie:
Uh, hey. We've all done crazy things in our life, so... [Robbie is interrupted when Dave picks up Robbie's guitar and starts strumming it.] He's playing the guitar now, isn't that great? You're doin' good.

Dave:
Yeah, sounds good? That's cause I'm the best guitar player in the wooorld! Yeaah! Self taught, no lessons. Thank you very much, Pop! [drunkenly stumbles offstage] They'll be divorced in a year! [crowd gasps]