'Allo 'Allo!1982

Ren?:
Good evening, Herr Lieutenant. What is your pleasure?

Lt. Hubert Gruber:
I would like a cognac, if you please?

Ren?:
Maria, cognac for the officer. If you would like to, eh

Lt. Hubert Gruber:
Why not, why not?

Ren?:
[Ren? puts down the cognac. Lt. Hubert Gruber reaches into his pocket and produces a cigar. Ren? mistakes Lt. Hubert Gruber for Leclerc] I - I - I expect you would like a light?

Lt. Hubert Gruber:
Thank you, you're very kind.

Ren?:
I have no matches.

Lt. Hubert Gruber:
Then why do you ask me if I would like a light?

Ren?:
I'm very sorry.

Lt. Hubert Gruber:
If you have no matches... if you have no matches, take mine. I have a spare box.

Ren?:
Are you one of them?

Lt. Hubert Gruber:
Well, it... it was very lonely on the Russian front.

Roger Leclerc:
A cognac, if you please?

Ren?:
Maria, a cognac.

Roger Leclerc:
[Roger Leclerc reaches into his pocket and produces a cigar. Lt. Hubert Gruber notices and lights Leclerc's cigar. Roger Leclerc to Ren?] Do you have a light?

Lt. Hubert Gruber:
What do you want a light for? I just lit it.

Roger Leclerc:
Well, I don't want a light, I just wondered... if he had a light.

Ren?:
I have no matches.

Lt. Hubert Gruber:
I've just given you some matches!

Ren?:
These are your matches! They're not my matches.

Roger Leclerc:
[to Ren?] Is he one of us?

Ren?:
No, he's one of them.

Roger Leclerc:
Please do not tell everybody!