8 Simple Rules... for Dating My Teenage Daughter2002

Carter Tibbits:
Paul, I thought my crew chief made everything clear. I can't trust a man who sneaks in my bedroom while I'm showering and plays with my stuff. I'm afraid you're dead to me, Paul. Just like a certain ex-wife whose number I will not mention. [Pats Rory on the shoulder] How're you doin' there, son?

Paul Hennessy:
Now, Carter, I just want to set everything straight, and then you'll never hear from me again. I know that the book deal is dead. Is it? [Carter stares at him] I mean, right. No, no, that's neither here nor there, it's just... that I, I want you to know that I wasn't playing with your stuff. [he stares at Rory, Rory shakes his head "no". He goes back to looking at Carter] My son took something. I was putting it back.

Carter Tibbits:
Well, isn't that somethin'. Blaming it on your own son!

Cody Grant:
[From the other room, VO] Pitiful!

Paul Hennessy:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Wait! If you rewound the tape...

Carter Tibbits:
You're not half the man that wife number three turned out to... [Stops himself, realizing he's said too much] I think you know where the door is.

Rory Hennessy:
[He and Paul go towards the door, but Rory turns back for a moment] Mr. Tibbits, I stole that picture of you and movie legend, Paul Newman. My dad was just putting it back. I took it for a joke.

Carter Tibbits:
There's nothin' funny about stealin', son.

Rory Hennessy:
I know. It's just, my dad's so funny, and I was trying to be funny.

Paul Hennessy:
Rory, why'd you take it so far?

Rory Hennessy:
Because I wanted to impress you!

Carter Tibbits:
Whoa! Whoa! Stealing to impress your father! You know, Rory, I run a program for at-risk youth, such as yourself...

Paul Hennessy:
He's not at-risk!

Carter Tibbits:
If I had a dime for every parent who ever said that...