Alexei Sayle's Merry-Go-Round1998

Alexei Sayle:
Jimi Hendrix - dead. Phil Collins - alive. Ginger Rogers - dead. Sue Pollard - alive. Francis Bacon - dead. That bloke out of Kula Shaker - alive. Death be not proud - who wrote that? That's right, it was John Dunne. He of course has snuffed it, whereas Sir Andrew Lloyd Stinking Sir Bloody Webber is still stinking bloody with us! Shakespeare - dead. The wankers who wrote 'Three lions on a shirt! Football's cummin 'ome!' - still alive. Bill Shankley - dead. Graham Taylor - alive. Karen Carpenter - dead. The carpenter who f***ed up my bleeding kitchen! Alive! It's as if God has developed a nasty mean streak. Anybody the least bit decent and wallop! Up they go! And what are we left with? The shite - that's what! I'll give you some more examples - bloke down the pub who said he'd do my accounts and introduce me to some powerful people in American television - dead. Bloke down the pub, 120 years old, spits in his beer, tells me about the great war - doesn't sound so bleedin great to me - he's still alive. Bloke down the pub owes me 80 quid - dead. Bloke down the pub who says he's going to rearrange my testicles if I don't find the electric hedge trimmers that he lent me six months ago - alive, alive, cockles and muscles bleedin o! Bill Hicks, John Lennon, Orson Welles - dead. Michael Bolton... Michael bleeding Bolton - alive. Roger Whittaker... Roger leaveitalone bleeding stinky poxy Durham Town Whittaker still bleeding alive! I'll give you another example - bloke down the pub, he said to me 'Charlie,' cos he's always too pissed to remember my bleeding name, he said 'Charlie, life is like a double-decker bus. It's red, it's got an upstairs and a downstairs. Sometimes there's a conductor, but these days usually just a driver.' And yes, you've guessed it - he's still alive, the twat! I mean if you're mean, if you're selfish, if you've got no bleeding talent you can do what you like forever. But if you're the least bit good, if you're the least bit talented then...... No. It's alright. I'm shite!