Aqua Teen Hunger Force2000

Robot:
Well, this is going to take a long time, so you may want to get some snacks.

Frylock:
No, no, that's all right. I think I can wait for it.

Shake:
Well, I'M going to get food.

Robot:
THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed.

Frylock:
Well, that still doesn't tell me why you...

Robot:
I'm not finished. YOU should have gotten a snack. A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape to make his confused toys using galactic elfin technology. Toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train, " but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.

Meatwad:
Boy, this IS a long story. Maybe I WILL get something to eat.

Carl:
Yeah, I think I'm gonna get drunk while I listen.