Blackadder Goes Forth1989

[First lines]

Captain Blackadder:
Baldrick, what are you doing out there?

Private Baldrick:
I'm carving something on a bullet, sir.

Captain Blackadder:
What are you craving?

Private Baldrick:
I'm carving "Baldrick", sir.

Captain Blackadder:
Why?

Private Baldrick:
It's part of a cunning plan, sir.

Captain Blackadder:
Of course it is.

Private Baldrick:
You know how they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it?

Captain Blackadder:
Yes?

Private Baldrick:
Well I thought that if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'll never get hit by it. Cause I'll never shoot myself...

Captain Blackadder:
Oh, shame!

Private Baldrick:
And the chances of there being *two* bullets with my name on it are very small indeed.

Captain Blackadder:
Yes, it's not the only thing that is "very small indeed". Your brain for example- is brain's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.