Bottom1991

Richie:
[Reading a piecie of paper, given to him by Eddie as a birthday present] "Madame Swish, 3:30". Oh Eddie, you haven't! Oh, what a pal you are! Madame Swish! Ooh! Aah! God, at last, I'm really gonna do it! And on my birthday as well! [Sniffs paper] Ooh! I wonder what she's like!

Eddie:
She's a dead Cert, mate. A real stayer.

Richie:
Really?

Eddie:
Yeah, she'll come first.

Richie:
What, before me? Good grief, that's quick! So she'll think I'm great! Oh what a pal you are! And it's all paid for?

Eddie:
Um, not exactly, I'll need a tenner.

Richie:
A tenner? Right. That's quite cheap, isn't it?

Eddie:
Um, well, no. In that case, it's a tenner each way.

Richie:
[Surprised] Well, how many ways are there?

Eddie:
Well, you'll come first, second, or third, won't you?

Richie:
[Aghast] Well, how many people are gonna be there?

Eddie:
Well, a few thousand.

Richie:
[Yells] What?

Eddie:
Well, it's Kempton!

Richie:
Kempton? I can't get down to Kempton by 3:30!

Eddie:
You don't have to, mate! It'll be on the telly!

Richie:
[Terrified] They're gonna televise it? What if my auntie's watching?

Eddie:
Well, what's illegal about betting on a horse?

Eddie:
[shouting] A horse?

Eddie:
Yeah!

Richie:
[shouting] Madame Swish is... is a horse?

Eddie:
Yeah! Well, what d'you think it was?

Richie:
[Disappointed] Oh no, nothing, nothing. I was just checking.

Eddie:
I have given you a red hot tip!

Richie:
[shouting] I know, and there's nothing I can do about it now, is there?