Brideshead Revisited1981

[Lord Marchmain has just died]

Charles Ryder:
[voiceover] Thus I come to the broken sentences which were the last words spoken between Julia and me - the last memories. When at last we met alone, it was by stealth, like young lovers.

[Charles and Julia hug]

Julia Mottram:
Here on the stairs, a minute to say goodbye.

Charles Ryder:
[wistfully] So long to say so little.

Julia Mottram:
You knew?

Charles Ryder:
Since this morning. Since before this morning. All this year.

Julia Mottram:
I didn't know till today. Oh, my dear, if you could only understand, then I could bear to part - or bear it better. I'd say my heart were breaking, if I believed in broken hearts. I can't marry you, Charles. I can't be with you ever again.

Charles Ryder:
[flatly] I know.

Julia Mottram:
How can you know?

[long pause]

Charles Ryder:
What will you do?

Julia Mottram:
Just go on. Alone. How can I tell what I shall do? You know the whole of me. You know I'm not one for a life of mourning. I've always been bad. Probably I'll be bad again - punished again. But the worse I am, the more I need God. I can't shut myself out from His mercy. That *is* what it would mean, starting a life with you - without Him. One can only see one step ahead. But I saw today there's one thing unforgivable, like things in the school-room, so bad they're unpunishable, that only Mummy could deal with. The bad thing I was on the point of doing that I'm not quite bad enough to do - to set up a rival God to God. It may be because of Mummy, Nanny, Sebastian, Cordelia, perhaps Bridey and Mrs Muspratt - keeping my name in their prayers. Or it may be a private bargain between me and God. That if I give up this one thing I want so much, how ever bad I am He won't quite despair of me in the end. Now we shall both be alone. And I shall have no way of making you understand.

Charles Ryder:
I don't want to make it easy for you. I hope your heart may break. But I *do* understand.

[Julia gets up and walks away, leaving Charles staring blankly into empty space]