Crank Yankers2002

Security Receptionist:
Hello?

Bircham:
Hello? This the security guard place?

Security Receptionist:
Yes this is.

Bircham:
Oh, great. My name's Birchum, I'm new to the area, and I'm lookin' for a job.

Security Receptionist:
Okay, right now we're not hiring because we don't have any openings.

Bircham:
Not hiring, huh?

Security Receptionist:
No.

Bircham:
Not hiring guys who did two tours in 'Nam and are third degree blackbelts in Tae kwan do?

Security Receptionist:
Not at the moment.

Bircham:
Not hiring a guy who can take an AK-47 blindfolded, break it down, oil it, and reassemble it in less than 4 minutes, you're not hiring any of them?

Security Receptionist:
We don't...

Bircham:
Not hiring a guy who can kill a man using only his thumb on his LEFT hand?

Security Receptionist:
No, we don't have any openings at the moment.

Bircham:
Not hiring a guy who modified his AK-47 to go full automatic and added a forty round banana clip to it? You're not hiring that guy?

Bircham:
Not hiring a guy who customized his van so it looked like the A-team van? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HIRE THAT GUY?

Bircham:
YOU'RE NOT GONNA HIRE A GUY WHO LAID HIS LIFE ON THE LINE FOR THIS COUNTRY SO THAT YOU CAN GO HOME TO YOUR LESBIAN PARTNER AND LIVE IN A JUDGMENT-FREE SOCIETY? I THINK YOU ARE HIRING THAT GUY!