Criminal Minds2005

[2004, FBI Field Office, San Jose, California]

Aaron Hotchner:
We've got you, Miss Garcia!

Penelope Garcia:
If you say so, suit!

Aaron Hotchner:
We've got evidence of your off-site servers and of your hack into the cosmetics company

Penelope Garcia:
They test on animals!

Aaron Hotchner:
Yes they do, but it's not illegal; what you've done is a felony and it's punishable by prison

Penelope Garcia:
You've got me J. Edgar

Aaron Hotchner:
It's agent Hotchner. And I'm of the Behavior Analysis Unit! And I'm here to offer you an option to prison: you come work for me, you be our technical analyst

Penelope Garcia:
So, I teach you how to use Google, that kind of thing? That's fun!

Aaron Hotchner:
You'd help us hunt psychopaths

Penelope Garcia:
I'm a psychopath!

Aaron Hotchner:
No. you're not! In hacker circles you're known as the Black Queen. And you are rigorously moral: all of your online attacks reflect a fierce desire to protect those who you think are being hurt. You accept my offer and you can do the same thing for the federal government. I just need a resume to give to human resources. Or we prosecute you!

Penelope Garcia:
Well, I'm not in the habit of bringing my resume to events I am handcuffed at! But I have some stationary in my purse and I will write down some computery stuff I know and think about it!

[Morgan enters, Hotchner answers phone, Garcia starts writing on pink paper]

Aaron Hotchner:
I need an answer

Penelope Garcia:
Yes, if I can keep my purse

Aaron Hotchner:
Good choice!