Death Battle2010

Wizard:
The year was 1954, less than a decade after Little Boy and Fatman had decimated Japan.

Boomstick:
The nuclear age had begun.

Wizard:
As the United States tested their shiny new hydrogen bombs across the Pacific, one of them woke something up.

Boomstick:
Godzilla, the radioactive rampaging savior/destroyer of Japan.

Wizard:
Mutated by nuclear energy, Godzilla stands over 300 feet tall and weighs 90 thousand tons. He is an unstoppable force of nature.

Boomstick:
And for some reason, Godzilla has made Japan his personal playground and has been stomping through it for 60 years.

Wizard:
Godzilla's radioactive mutation leaves everything in his wake contaminated: water, plants, even people. Godzilla's presence alone turns a city block completely uninhabitable.

Boomstick:
Like that noisy upstairs neighbor or people who let their dog sh*t in your front lawn.

Wizard:
But Godzilla does not simply walk past his enemies to destroy them.

Boomstick:
His strength is insane! He once lifted and threw his arch-rival Keizer Ghidorah, who weighs 100 thousand freakin' tons!

Wizard:
He channels this strength through his claws, teeth, tail...

Boomstick:
AND EPIC GRAVITY-DEFYING DROPKICKS!

Wizard:
Hilarious abilities aside, Godzilla would not be such a legendary kaiju without some serious firepower. He can emit atomic energy from his body for a short-range nuclear pulse.

Boomstick:
Or fire his signature atomic breath, a goddamn laser beam of pure radiation! That's like microwaving at least a hundred balls of tinfoil!

Wizard:
Well, give or take a few... million.

Boomstick:
The atomic breath can melt, burn, or blow up just much anything, and you know it just can't smell good! I mean that's a lot of fish!

Wizard:
NO! No, no, no! That right there is Zilla, the bastardized and shamed American version that Toho literally bought the rights and completely re-branded... just to murder on-screen.

Boomstick:
[chuckles] Take that, America!

Wizard:
And that was just the real Godzilla's standard atomic breath.