Death Battle2010

Wizard:
The year was 1965, the apex of the Space Race. Technology was advancing further and faster than ever before, but no one could've anticipated the bio-engineered marvel hidden beneath the waves. Eons ago, the ancient people of Atlantis learned how to construct life and foolishly decided to play God.

Boomstick:
But instead of creating something safe like a dog or a bunny, they created giant flying laser-shooting murder birds! Surprise, surprise - they couldn't be controlled, and they turned 100% of Atlantis into ocean front property!

Wizard:
So what was their solution to counter these giant destructive monsters? Why, ANOTHER giant destructive monster, of course! Enter Gamera, Guardian of the Universe and Friend to All Children.

Boomstick:
"Friend to All Children"? That's a terrible title. How about "Gamera, the flying fire-breathing ninja turtle of doom"?

Wizard:
That's actually not far off. For a 260-foot, 10-thousand ton turtle, Gamera is quite agile.

Boomstick:
His arsenal includes two huge tusks, twin elbow spikes, and a fire breath so strong it can be used underwater, despite being, you know, fire!

Wizard:
Technically, it's highly-concentrated plasma, the fourth state of matter. The hottest plasma ever created by man exceeded 3.6 million degrees Fahrenheit. That's hotter than the surface of the sun. Gamera's fire balls can burn through practically anything.

Boomstick:
And when he's not spitting hot fire, he f***ing eats it!

Wizard:
It's true. A fiery four-course meal can quickly heal and re-energize him.

Boomstick:
Naturally, as a giant turtle monster, he can retract his limbs and head into his shell for extra defense and then fire rocket jets out of the holes and freakin' fly? WHAT THE F*** IS THIS? And why can't my turtle do that? Some day, Mr. Snappy. Some day...

Wizard:
Gamera can fly at speeds breaching Mach 3, over 22 hundred miles per hour! That's faster than the world record-holding SR-71 Blackbird!

Boomstick:
But how the hell does he know where he's going, and more importantly, how does he not puke his guts out?

Wizard:
The Atlanteans built Gamera using mana, an ethereal energy force connecting all things, places, and people. Everything has a finite pool of mana, which can be measured using a... Sega Dreamcast.

Boomstick:
But it still can't play DVDs.

Wizard:
A person's mana is dependent on how much influence and authority they possess over others. As Gamera literally holds the world's fate in his claws, his mana levels are off the charts.

Boomstick:
Gamera can manipulate his mana in combat, which is useful when you've lost your arm and need to give your enemy a kaiju-sized falcon punch. F*** yeah!

Wizard:
And if Gamera ever runs low on mana, he can summon more from the earth itself.