Even Stevens1999

[first lines]

[the doorbell rings as Steve answers the door]

Mail Officer:
Delivery for Louis Stevens.

Steve Stevens:
[sarcastically; as he signs for Louis' delivery] Oh, boy. What now? What is it?

Mail Officer:
[gives Steve the leash to an emu] An emu.

Steve Stevens:
What?

Steve Stevens:
[to the mail officer; as the emu enters the house] Oh... no! Louis ordered an emu? Get outta here!

Mail Officer:
I'm sorry, sir. But our return policy is very specific.

Steve Stevens:
What is it?

Mail Officer:
No returns. Have a nice day.

Steve Stevens:
[to Steve; as she points over his shoulder] You might wanna stop that thing from eating your family.

[camera cuts to the emu eating the bottom left hand corner of a family portrait hanging on the wall next to the stairs]

Steve Stevens:
[to the emu] Whoa! Stop it! Stop that! Bad bird! Bad bird!

Steve Stevens:
[shouting; to Louis] LOUIS!