Extras2005

[Andy and Maggie, in costume as a German refugee and a Nazi soldier, are discussing her new boyfriend between takes]

Maggie Jacobs:
[quietly, embarrassed] He likes to talk dirty on the phone. He'll call me up and he's coming out with all this filth.

Andy Millman:
Why... would you tell me that? [grinning] What does he say?

Maggie Jacobs:
He calls up and says things like "Ooh... what are you doing?"

Andy Millman:
What do you say?

Maggie Jacobs:
Well I didn't know what was going on at first - I didn't realize - and I was just honest with him and I said "Oh, I'm just cleaning out the vegetable drawer to the fridge."

Andy Millman:
[bursts out laughing] What if he thought that was a euphemism? "Ooh, I'm cleaning out my vegetable drawer. Ooh, I'm scrubbing my front step." Have you talked dirty back to him?

Maggie Jacobs:
No, I have not. I don't know what to say to him, it's too embarrassing. What if I say something and he just laughs at me, or something and it's too much and he gets all offended?

Andy Millman:
Well no, it's just stuff like "Ooh, I'm playing with myself." [they laugh]

Kate Winslet:
[getting coffee behind them in her nun's habit] Sounds interesting.

Andy Millman:
Hey. Not me, her.

Kate Winslet:
Go on.

Andy Millman:
[pause, then in a rush] Her boyfriend likes to talk dirty on the phone and she doesn't know what to say to him.

Kate Winslet:
Oh yeah, that can be a bit awkward. Why don't you just start with something light, you know, like um - "I'd love it if you stuck your Willy Wonka between my Oompa-Loompas," you know, something a bit fun, a bit jokey. And then you can get more hardcore, run with the old classics, like "I'm playing with my dirty pillows," "I'm aching for your big purple-headed womb ferret." And then go straight in hard, like "Get 'round here 'cause I'm fudding myself stupid and I'm bloody loving it." Right?

Maggie Jacobs:
[incredibly uncomfortable] Yeah.

Kate Winslet:
Okay? Back on. [stands up, walks away]

Andy Millman:
[to her as she walks away] Love to Sam Mendes. [stunned, to Maggie] Kate Winslet, talking dirty to Anne Frank and Joseph Goebbels, just another normal day.