G.B.H.1991

[Dr Jacobs has summoned Jim Nelson for an emergency consultation. In the consultation room, he starts to undress in front of Nelson]

Jim Nelson:
[looking worried] I should say right away, Dr Jacobs, that when I was eleven years old, a science teacher at my grammar school tried to seduce me one dinner time when I had taken a meal up to his room.

Dr. Jacobs:
[chuckles] You're so very prim.

Jim Nelson:
It was awful, Doctor. He turned round and he had a Crunchie Bar in one hand and his penis in the other. The door was locked. You've no idea how scared and surprised I was. He had a wife and children. He took the Second XV rugby team. He was a man. I only escaped after I threw the cheese flan at him - and the plate as well.

[Dr Jacobs continues chuckling helplessly; he has now undressed to his underpants and shirt]

Jim Nelson:
No! Please, don't take your shirt off. This is terrible: I'd no idea. I'm sure all of us are, to a greater or lesser degree, homosexual. But since that time in the science room, I'm afraid, Dr Jacobs, I'm frigid with men. It's nothing to sn*gger about. Equally I've never been able to eat a cheese flan or a Crunchie Bar ever since.