Golan the Insatiable2013

[Dylan stands at the curb waiting for the school bus to arrive. When it does, she enters, walks to the back of the bus and sits alone. Suddenly the rear emergency door is ripped off and Golan yanks Dylan out of the bus by her backpack]

Golan:
[as bus drives off] Both your parents and your school have failed you. Now is time to use the Golan Method.

Golan:
[pulls sheet off of a crate-sized box] Voila!

[the box has bars on one side and a sign reading "DYLANS READING BOX"]

Golan:
[opening the gate, shoving Dylan in, and shutting it] I have designed this ingenious distraction-free device to counteract your boy-craziness.

[inside written in red is "READING WILL SET YOU FREE"]

Golan:
[passing in a book] You will be released when you can adequately describe the themes of "Ulysses". Better hurry before the *snakes* consume you.

Dylan Beekler:
[dramatic sting] Snakes? What snakes?

Golan:
I left you a note to go buy snakes! Didn't you read it? Ghaa! Well, I better go to Snakes et Cetera. You read!