Golan the Insatiable2013

[Golan sits in a tree outside Billy Andersen's window waiting for the Tooth Fairy]

Golan:
Ahh. I don't know why I give squirrels so much crap. This is pretty nice.

[Golan looks up and sees a nest of baby birds twittering]

Golan:
Oh, hey there little guys. Mommy bird not around? Don't worry. I'll feed you.

[Golan grabs a nearby bird feeder, pours half its contents into his mouth, chews it, and regurgitates it into the nest. The baby birds are instantly skeletonized by the acid in his vomit, which also melts the nest into a blob]

Golan:
Well, that's how they died.

[a bird flies to the nest]

Golan:
[nervously] Oh, hey there, mommy-bird. Umm, some dumb-ass squirrel just murdered your children. Really sorry for your loss. They seemed like great kids. Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'm on a date.