Goof Troop1992

Police Officer:
He received a letter like this, then strange things started happening. He heard squeaky footsteps wherever he went. He saw suspicious shadows on the walls. He felt the presence of eyes always watching over him. And then one day, poof, he disappeared.

Peter 'Pete Petey' Pete, Sr.:
Poof?

Police Officer:
Poof. Here's his picture when I found him 10 years later.

Peter 'Pete Petey' Pete, Sr.:
[cringing] Oh no, why, it's... it's horrible!

Police Officer:
Oh sorry, that's a picture of a bowl of chili, that he won first prize at the Policeman's Chili Cook-off. [hands Pete another picture from his coat]

Peter 'Pete Petey' Pete, Sr.:
But this is just another bowl of chili.

Police Officer:
No, that's him.

Peter 'Pete Petey' Pete, Sr.:
[squirms] Who would do such a thing?

Police Officer:
Often someone close to the victim. A wife, son, daughter, uncle, busboy, foreign diplomat. [he starts heading towards the door]

Peter 'Pete Petey' Pete, Sr.:
[Pete runs to him and grabs him in panic] But I don't want to wind up like CHILI!

Police Officer:
Calm down. There's a 75% chance it's nothing.

Peter 'Pete Petey' Pete, Sr.:
[stammers] B-b-b-b-but you said it was a 99% chance before.

Police Officer:
99, 70. You said "tomorrow," I said "tomato." I'm afraid it's the perp's next move. Until then, just sit tight. Relax. Maybe consider bumping up your life insurance policy.