Gossip Girl2007

Blair Waldorf:
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been... a while since my last confession.

Priest:
What troubles you, my child?

Blair Waldorf:
[sighs] After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly twenty minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a Speak-Easy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.

Priest:
Ahem.

Blair Waldorf:
Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.

Priest:
[sarcastically] You don't say?

Blair Waldorf:
But losing my virginity to Chuck Bass? None of my friends will ever understand. I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas.

Priest:
How about some food for thought instead? Don't drink, keep your clothes on, try avoiding those who might cause you to stray.

Blair Waldorf:
Oh, I plan to. Thank you, Father. That was very good advice.

[gets up but comes back]

Blair Waldorf:
You don't grant birthday wishes, do you?

Priest:
I'm a priest, not a genie.

Blair Waldorf:
Well, the next time you talk to Him, would you ask Him to send my boyfriend back to me?