Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law2000

Harvey Birdman:
Our Founding Fathers... guaranteed us certain protections. The freedom of speech; freedom of religion; the freedom to own and play stringed instruments of all kinds. Those Founding Fathers didn't place restrictions on these freedoms. They didn't say, "The right to play guitar shall not be violated, except when used to play Green Day's, 'Time of Your Life,' over and over again in the common area of your dorm!" *No!* Where will these restrictions end? A background check when you want to take up banjo? A five day waiting period to buy a Telecaster? An all-out ban on the Flying V or, dare I say, whammy bar? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it is up to *you* to defend our right to keep and bear guitars.

Myron Reducto:
Yes, our Founding Fathers were certainly comfortable with the idea of the lute or the fiddle, but how could they have foreseen the fretless bass? No! There was absolutely no way for them to imagine a time when men would walk the streets brandishing Edgar Winter's Special Edition portable keyboards with standard MIDI interface.

[Addressing the gallery front row, containing the Founding Fathers, Funky Phantom, and Edgar Winter]

Myron Reducto:
*Don't look at me!*

[Starts crawling underneath the gallery seats]

Myron Reducto:
And while the good people of the National Guitar Association might like you to think otherwise, do you really think we'd all be safer if everyone were walking around with a Sunburst Rickenbacker in their pockets?