How I Met Your Mother2005

Ted Mosby:
[Ted has just smashed his gingerbread house because Marshall said that after the pregnancy false alarm, he and Lily want a dog]

[to Marshall and Lily]

Ted Mosby:
Are you kidding me? All you ever talk about is having kids, and now you have one little freakout, you want to get a dog instead? No, unacceptable! You're gonna turn around, go home, get naked, lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child! Right now.

[couple still look at him]

Ted Mosby:
I'M SERIOUS, GO GO GO!

Robin Scherbatsky:
[after seeing the two leave, murmuring to Robin] Marshall and Lily got in trouble...

Ted Mosby:
And YOU! Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. You're gonna get your money back and give it to charity - and I don't mean that stripper you keep emailing us about even though we begged you to take us off that list.

Barney Stinson:
I can't give this suit back. Ted, I glow in the dark. I finally glow in the dark!

Ted Mosby:
[shouts] Criminals of New York, attention! This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit, you could retire on the pants alone. Merry Christmas!

[Barney runs away and Ted confronts Robin]

Robin Scherbatsky:
So if I get a large popcorn, would you go split-ski...

Ted Mosby:
[Interupting] And you, you did not move into the greatest city on Earth to become a coin-flipping bimbo.

[takes out coin]

Ted Mosby:
So, here's how it goes - Heads, you take the job at Worldwide News. Tails, you take the job at Worldwide News.

[flips coin into Robin's face]

Ted Mosby:
Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig!