I'm Alan Partridge1997

Alan Partridge:
Ah-haaaaa! What a year it's been for Dante. Fires. Maybe you're here tonight with a wife or an old flame. But what is the burning issue? Hit your targets or you'll be... fired. But today's also about fun. Have you all got your fun packs? I've got one here. Dropped it. It's all right. I've got a list. Here. It should contain a torch, a CurlyWurly, a book of stamps, a free digital watch with denim strap, a vodka miniature, a Bic-style razor and a copy of the Daily Express. Ooooooh, it's a good paper. Now, first award tonight is for best Christ. Not Christ. Er, sorry. Keep saying 'Christ'. Er, I know some of you may be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry. I was supposed to hit that later. I'll just wait for it to finish. A, a glittering year ahead. You might want to read your Daily Express. Don't shine that torch in my face, mate. I've just lost a pint of blood. On now as we look at a fantastic year for - I'm going to be sick again. You know that feeling when there's nothing coming up. Urrgh. Jesus. Urrgh. August knocked the trend for downturn in fireplace sales. Oh God. Oh, I sound like the devil. Bits come out my shoe. That's not going back in again. You want some more glitter? Two grand, that cost. I was gonna give out some... some awards. But, er, that's not going to happen. Look at me. Go and eat some coffee. Erm, drink it. It's soup you can eat - that's not so liquid.