Law & Order: UK2009

[Central London Revenue Office, Hammersmith W14, Thursday 19th November]

Una McGladdery:
Fantastic. This is the reason I joined. All I want is mountains of paperwork.

Alesha Phillips:
So what should we be looking for?

Una McGladdery:
You don't "look" for anything. Be the paper, become the numbers. First rule of tax forms? Everybody lies. Second rule of tax forms: everybody gets found out eventually, usually by me.

James Steel:
What do you need.

Una McGladdery:
[to James Steel] Guns.

Una McGladdery:
[to Alesha Phillips] Lots of guns.

[a pause as Alesha's slight smile abruptly fades]

Una McGladdery:
Only jokin'. More floor space. Three current businesses, several failed ventures: this guy's been in business since 1994. He started filing his online returns in 2005. I can handle those. Pre-that, it's paper, and you need a lot more floor space.

James Steel:
Ah. Consider it done.

Una McGladdery:
[hefting two heavy-duty staplers and clicking them as if they're guns, a la Trinity] Let's get to work.