M*A*S*H1972

Major Charles Winchester:
[Chair glued to his behind, Winchester struggles over to the bar] Max, get me a knife!

Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger:
Major, don't! It's not worth it!

Major Charles Winchester:
For my pants! [Begins undoing belt, turns to crowd] Attention, attention all personnel! It would appear that ol' Doc Funnypants is at it again and once again, I am the butt of his joke. [Crowd boos] Please, please, please. We must all remember that the poor man is demented, he's obviously suffering from a fanny fetish. [Points at his behind, crowd laughs and applauds] Thank you all very much, you are indeed a source of inspiration during these [inhales as Klinger accidentally cuts him] difficult times. I assure you, I shall endure. [Crowd applauds. Klinger cuts away the trousers and Winchester stands up and heads for the door] Thank you Max. Thank you. [Turns] Klinger, I will need another pair of trousers. [Chuckles] Perhaps several. No telling how often I'll be torpedoed by Rear Admiral Pierce. [Mock salutes Pierce and leaves]