M*A*S*H1972

Col. Sherman T. Potter:
[Klinger fixes the P.A. system which is unknowingly in the 'on' position] Who's sick?

Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan:
Nobody's sick, sir, I have a little rash.

Col. Sherman T. Potter:
[Half asleep] I have two grandchildren myself.

Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan:
Sir, please try to understand, it's Margaret. I have a bad case of prickly heat. A severe irritation on my gluteus maximus.

Col. Sherman T. Potter:
Oh, I get it. A bad case of keister itch.

Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan:
Well you could call it that, sir.

Col. Sherman T. Potter:
I sure gotta sympathize with you on that one. Ain't nothing more bothersome than a case of the ol' fanny fungus. With all this heat, that cute little caboose of yours must be red as a beet.

Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan:
Oh, really, sir, I'd rather not talk about it.

Col. Sherman T. Potter:
I don't know how bad off your wazoo is, but I'll bet it don't come close to the rump rots I had during the big war.

Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan:
Sir, send the chopper...

Col. Sherman T. Potter:
We were pinned down near Chantilly, and I was stuck for a whole damn night in a wet fox hole. I'll never forget it. [The entire camp bursts out laughing at the conversation] No matter how many times you change your skivvies, the fire on the ol' back porch just keeps burning. Must be hell for you to trying to sit or sleep...

Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan:
Wait a minute...Is this stupid P.A. on?! Klinger, you idiot!

Klinger:
Major, wait! Oh no, please don't. It took me three hours to fix that--[Smash!] [Camp continues laughing]