Malcolm in the Middle2000

Reese:
You can bite my American ass, Jiao Lee.

Dewey:
What's that?

Reese:
The school made us adopt pen-pals from different countries. I got stuck with this loser from China.

Dewey:
What's wrong with China?

Reese:
It's not what you think, Dewey. He won't send you illegal fireworks, or get your nunchucks autographed by the Emperor. The guy's a total jerk. It started off with a simple request to apologize for Pearl Harbor. The guy wouldn't do it. He's so arrogant! When I draw squiggles it's nonsense. When he does it, it's a language! I was so pissed! Then I thought, Be the better man, and reason with the guy.

Dewey:
[reading Reese's letter aloud] 'Do you want me to kick your butt? Check Yes or No'

Reese:
[astonished] And there's his response! He couldn't even follow simple instructions!

Dewey:
[continues reading Reese's letter] 'You need help, Reese'

Reese:
He thinks a whole planet between us is going to protect him? He thinks he's so smart? We'll see who's smart when I mail myself to China and kick his upside-down ass... I can't wait to see his face when he opens up his mail and I pop out.