Married with Children1987

Al Bundy:
Once upon a time, there was a young boy. A boy... full of hope. He was single, thus he was happy. Then one night, much like tonight, something rose from the swamp. He heard a noise behind him: thump-thump, thump-thump. He walked a little faster. Thump-thump-thump-thump. Then he saw it. There, in the light of a bar, stood the evil, redheaded, high-heeled spandex monster. He ran from it. He stood it up, he dated others, but nothing could stop it! He could hear it's wild call: "oh honey? Honey?" It was horrible. Finally... it trapped him. Opened... opened its hideous mouth, bared its fangs and said, "marry me!"

Victor:
And did he marry it, Danno?

Al Bundy:
Yes, I'm afraid he did. And he was never heard from again. But the worst of it is that there still some of them out there... there might be one behind that tree! [He points, the kids yell and look] Then again... there might not be. But beware, wherever a man is free, and has change in his pockets, they'll come a creepin' and they can't be stopped. Now, sleep... if you can. [laughs evilly]