Married with Children1987

Angel:
I know you think you got it tough: your wife doesn't respect you, your kids think you're a failure, a good day for you is when you don't come across any new foot diseases... Believe me, I sympathize. But you think your life reeks? Take a whiff of mine, pal.

[gets up]

Angel:
My wife gained a hundred pounds for every year we were married. We had two kids, I think she ate 'em, I dunno. I hated driving home so much that I had vanity plates written up that said "hit me". But despite it all, she loved me. You know how I know? Because she TOLD ME! Oh yeah. When I was at work, she loved my father, my brother, by bookie... But when I found my grandfather's teeth in my bed under the pillow, then I knew there was trouble in paradise.

[sits back down]

Angel:
That's when I did what any other man would do, Bundy. I canceled my life insurance policy, and then I hung myself. Showed her, huh?

[laughs insanely]

Al:
And you're here to help me, huh?