Mike & Molly2010

Mike Biggs:
For her it's one night, but Harry's gonna be prepping for days. Going to every big-and-tall shop looking for a shirt that's hip, sexy, and doesn't look like someone's tenting for termites.

Molly Flynn:
This isn't just about Harry, is it?

Mike Biggs:
Her name was Betsy Zajko. I was a sophmore and she was a senior. I'd just made third-string center on the football team so I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Molly Flynn:
Whiskey?

Mike Biggs:
Please. [Molly hands a glass to Mike and pours] Anyway, the summer before, her boyfriend had been killed in a dirt-bike accident, so she was vulnerable and most of the guys in her league were feeling a little gun-shy.

Molly Flynn:
Understandable.

Mike Biggs:
I mustered up the courage to ask her out, and to my amazement, she said, "Yes." I showed up to the dance with a new shirt, corduroy vest, and a pair of my dad's dress khakis.

Molly Flynn:
Ooh. Hello, sexy.

Mike Biggs:
Molly, please?

Molly Flynn:
Sorry.

Mike Biggs:
Anyway, by the end of the night, Betsy had slow-danced or dry-humped the quarterback, the fullback, pretty much anybody with a varsity letter and an erection.

Molly Flynn:
Oh, honey.

Mike Biggs:
Yeah, apparently, I was the warm-up act for the entire team. While they were enjoying the fruits of my labor, I was in the parking lot splitting a meat lover's pizza with the fat tuba player from the marching band.

Molly Flynn:
Yeah, I've got a similar story. Mine ends with me splitting a bag of White Castle hamburgers with a very grabby equipment manager. He's a she now. [Clinks glass and whiskey bottle] I buy my Mary Kay products from her. [Refills Mike's glass and takes a swig from the bottle]