Monarch of the Glen2000

[first lines]

McGregor:
The late Mr. MacDonald made a number of wills. In the latest he wrote out the bequests on separate sheets in his own hand, which he was keen for you to read yourselves.

Golly:
I'll, uh..."To my liege man Golly, as true a man as I've ever known, I leave what remains of my once-mighty collection of single malt whiskeys, in the hope that he will toast our association every Saint Andrew's Day." That I will, Hector.

Duncan:
"To my assistant gillie and court jester Duncan, I leave the entire contents of my wardrobe in the hope that this may encourage him to wear something other than that filthy ki...kilt and moth-eaten cardigan he insists on donning every day." It's not a cardy; it's a fleece. I paid eight quid for that.

Lexie:
"To estimable Alexandra, I bequeath a sufficient sum for a new set of saucepans, the remainder to be spent on garments that expose her even more estimable midriff."

Molly:
"To my darling wife, best friend and good companion Molly, I bequeath the rest of my goods and effects as well as my ridiculously puny personal holdings in the hope thay they will help her become a very merry widow."