My Family2000

[about Nick's first day as a tour guide]

Susan:
In fact, it went so well I... it went so well I... sent Nick off by himself.

Ben:
You sent Nick off by himself. [laughing] Course you did.

Susan:
All right, I lost him.

Ben:
30-Love, ha-ha! I told you... you wouldn't listen - he's unemployable,

Susan:
It's early days. He needs care, love, and tenderness.

Nick:
Hiya mum.

Susan:
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

Nick:
Hey, don't ask me what type of day I've had. Where's that beer?

Susan:
Okay, okay, so you got lost, fine. But did you have to take my entire tour group with you?

Nick:
Wasn't that the job?

Ben:
Oh you led a little tour on your first day. Your mother will be proud. What was it called, "Pub Crawl of Old London Town" or "Shops You Can't Go into Again"?

Nick:
Actually, it was called, "Dylan Thomas' London".

Ben:
Oh, the pub crawl then.

Susan:
Don't encourage him.

Ben:
I was only asking.

Susan:
I was talking to Nick. [turns and pursues Nick across the room] And what have you done with your umbrella?

Nick:
Oh, it's probably still at the police station.

Susan:
And your badge?

Nick:
I think I left it in casualty.

Susan:
What about your clipboard?

Nick:
A baboon ran off with it.

Susan:
Oh, well, at least you took them to the zoo.

Nick:
Nnnno.