NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service2003

[McGee's hands and face are covered with poison ivy]

Special Agent Timothy McGee:
What I don't understand is how it got all over my face.

Dr. Donald Mallard:
It's the urushiol oil in the plant, McGee. Once it gets on your hands, it spreads to anything it comes in contact with.

Special Agent Timothy McGee:
Well... then I have a major problem, Ducky.

Dr. Donald Mallard:
Hmm?

Special Agent Timothy McGee:
When I was out there, I had to... you know...

Dr. Donald Mallard:
No, I don't.

Special Agent Timothy McGee:
Relieve myself.

Dr. Donald Mallard:
Oh. [realizing] Oh... well, uh, let's take a look, then.

Special Agent Timothy McGee:
[unbuckles his pants] This is, uh, this is kind of embarrassing...

Dr. Donald Mallard:
I'm a doctor, McGee. I have seen everything there is to see more times than I care to remember.

[McGee drops his pants]

Dr. Donald Mallard:
Good lord.

Special Agent Timothy McGee:
What? What, is it bad?

Dr. Donald Mallard:
No, no, it's fine. Nothing to worry about. I didn't expect to see quite so much... swelling.

Special Agent Timothy McGee:
If Tony finds out about this, I'm gonna have to quit.

Dr. Donald Mallard:
Well, your secret is safe with me.

[Jimmy enters]

Jimmy Palmer:
Doctor, I've got the new evaluation forms you req...

[He trails off as he takes in the scene]

Jimmy Palmer:
I'll come back.

[Jimmy leaves]

Dr. Donald Mallard:
Him I'm not so sure about.