One Foot in the Grave1990

[first lines]

Victor Meldrew:
The absolute limit that was. You wouldn't believe that anyone could pick their nose all the way through 'Dances with Wolves', would you? Three and a half hours I had to sit next to that. And always the right nostril; he never touched the left one. Always the one at *my* side! You'd think he was digging the channel tunnel. Really. Come on, what's the matter? I'm ruddy freezing out here.

Margaret Meldrew:
It won't turn! It's jammed again, bloody thing!

Victor Meldrew:
You're joking, surely. Here, give it here. I managed it this morning by jiggling slightly to the... Little bugger! Turn for God's sake!

Margaret Meldrew:
Two hundred and sixty pounds we paid for this. A complete set of new locks so secure that even we can't get in! Good old Yellow Pages.