One Foot in the Grave1990

[first lines]

Victor Meldrew:
[on the phone] Mel-drew!

Victor Meldrew:
Who? Well, put Mavis on, then.

Victor Meldrew:
I don't care is she is reproofing a yashmak; I want to speak to her. [to Margaret] Usual performance. She takes my ticket, disappears for half an hour, comes back. "Do you remember when you brought them in?" "Yes, last Thursday." Off she goes again, comes back. "What colour were they?" "Light grey." Off she goes again. still com- Hello!

Victor Meldrew:
Yes, I have got them here at home with me. I'm just wondering what idea of this rather offensive piece of paper I just found speared to the hook. [reads] "This garment was extremely badly soiled and bore stains of an unusually resilient nature."

Victor Meldrew:
What's it got to do with you? I bring my trousers in, I expect them to be dry cleaned, not reviewed in print by the laundry critic of the Sunday Times. You might as well get Bernard Levin to do an essay in my socks and be done with it.

Victor Meldrew:
Yeh! That's just the sort of remark I expected. I don't know why I bother.