Peep Show2003

[Mark and Jeremy are having a stag weekend on a canal boat]

Mark Corrigan:
So good to just get away.

Jeremy Usborne:
Oh yeah. The Stag Aquatic. So, come on, let's max out the engine a bit, tear it up.

Mark Corrigan:
Actually this is almost top speed.

[the boat is only going a few miles per hour]

Jeremy Usborne:
What if we hit trouble?

Mark Corrigan:
I don't think we're going to hit trouble on the Shropshire Union Canal, Jeremy.

Jeremy Usborne:
Right, but this is just it? This is totally it? There's not gonna be any waves or mad sh*t?

Mark Corrigan:
No.

Jeremy Usborne:
Can I water-ski off the back?

Mark Corrigan:
You're very welcome to try!

Jeremy Usborne:
Jesus. Well, let's stop here then and go for a drink.

Mark Corrigan:
Jez, it's 10 in the morning!

Jeremy Usborne:
Well, what else are we gonna do? Just sit here, freezing our nuts off, talking to each other? I mean, what the hell are we gonna talk about?

Mark Corrigan:
I dunno... stuff, banter, chat. Isn't that what you had in mind when you organised this thing?

Jeremy Usborne:
Sure. Yeah. S'pose. So how do you feel now the wedding's back on track?

Mark Corrigan:
Not that.

Jeremy Usborne:
Oh right, not that! Well, what then? I can't think of anything to say, you start.

Mark Corrigan:
[looks around then points at something] Hey, is that a kingfisher?

Jeremy Usborne:
Oh, for God's sake! If we're gonna talk, let's talk about something proper, like films.

Mark Corrigan:
[voiceover] Ugh, films. Another hour of my life gone trying to explain to him what The Matrix is.

Jeremy Usborne:
[voiceover] This weekend is gonna be one massive dry hump. Maybe the pressure will build to the point where we actually try to f*** each other.