Peep Show2003

Mark Corrigan:
Jez, mate, big problem.

Jeremy Usborne:
Balls again?

Mark Corrigan:
No, not my balls. Dobby's taken back her boss's laptop and I don't think I cleaned off the... that porn you recommended.

Jeremy Usborne:
I didn't recommend it. I'm not Time Out.

Mark Corrigan:
Yes, you did, you gave it five stars.

Jeremy Usborne:
And you didn't wipe it?

Mark Corrigan:
I don't remember. I might have.

Jeremy Usborne:
Always wipe, Mark. "Discharge your pipe, then have a wipe." That's the rhyme.

Mark Corrigan:
Anyway if I was wondering if, if you could say, if Dobby does find it, that it was you who was looking at the porn?

Jeremy Usborne:
No.

Mark Corrigan:
Oh come on, Jez. It's going really well again with Dobby, I don't need this, and Christ, if Jan finds out, I'm dead, tidy hair or no tidy hair. I just want you to... take a wank bullet for me.

Jeremy Usborne:
I don't want to take another wank bullet. What am I, some kind of wank shield?

Mark Corrigan:
Oh, right. I see. So you'll take a wank bullet for Elena but you won't for me. Ten minutes with her is worth more than ten years with me. Well, I think we can count our friendship pretty much over from now on.

Jeremy Usborne:
Oh, don't be a cock.

Mark Corrigan:
I'm not a cock. But the cock has certainly crowed. Thrice.

Jeremy Usborne:
When? What are you talking about?

Mark Corrigan:
It means you've betrayed... it's the New Testament. You cock.