Peep Show2003

[at a sperm bank]

Jeremy Usborne:
[voiceover] Right, time to open my sticky bank account. Hey, where the porn? No porn? Am I supposed to just dry hump myself? Must be something I can use.

[he takes out a crumpled ?20 note and looks at the image of the Queen printed on it]

Jeremy Usborne:
[voiceover] Would it be wrong? Why not? It's a free country.

[he undoes his jeans and starts to masturbate]

Jeremy Usborne:
[voiceover] OK Queenie, it's back in the 50s, you're nice and young, you've just been coronated, I'm taking off your cloak... No, leave the crown on. Ooh, what's this? Stockings? You've been getting through your nylon ration book pretty quicky, you naughty, sexy Queen!

[he drops the note]

Jeremy Usborne:
[voiceover] Oh sh*t.

[he picks it up]

Jeremy Usborne:
[voiceover] Right, here we...

[he's now looking at the other side, with the moustachioed face of Edward Elgar printed on it]

Jeremy Usborne:
[voiceover] Oh... Elgar? Oh, I've totally lost it now. Thanks a bunch, Elgar!