Robot Chicken2005

God:
Ah, here it is. The book of your life. [Hands William a book]

William David Reynolds:
Wow! [takes a look inside to find the pages blank] Huh?

God:
Just ask the book any question about your life, and the answer shall be revealed.

William David Reynolds:
Uh... how many days did I live? [the book displays 11,972 days]

William David Reynolds:
Cool! How many hours is that? [the book displays 287,326 hours]

God:
It's not a calculator. This is the book of your life.

God:
Ooh, how many times did I hear the song "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls? [the book displays 106 times]

William David Reynolds:
Huh, I thought it would be more then that. [the book displays 'Nope']

God:
Why not ask the book about your actions on Earth and how they impacted your loved one?

William David Reynolds:
In a minute. Book, if I made bricks out of all the poop I ever pooped out and built a 6-foot high wall out of the bricks, how long could I make that wall? [the book displays 2.7 miles]

God:
This is ridiculous. Book, tell this man how many moments of happiness he gave his friends and family.

William David Reynolds:
Boring! Book, could I have filled the Empire State Building with my own poop?

God:
Don't answer that, book!

William David Reynolds:
I want to know!

God:
No!